My two year old PJ launched off the couch flying through the air when he should have be putting his pants on.
My nine month old Joey had been crying for the last hour. He was fed changed and had all of his basic needs taken care of, except for me holding him.
We were in a rush to get ready to go, and I had no choice but to listen to the soundtrack of Joey’s cries while maintaining my sanity. As I ran from room to room searching for my missing shoe, it dawned one me that I hadn’t fed PJ. My best option was gold fish and juice. Not organcic omega3 fish crackers… Just plain o’l gold fish crackers. And I didn’t even want to see how grams of sugar was in that juice….
I found the first sippy cup I could get my hands on, splashed some water in the cup, only to realize that it smelled like mildew.
I frantically started washing the cup as thoroughly and quickly as I could.
Meanwhile the crying soundtrack was still playing… and getting louder. I was on edge, and if one more thing went wrong, I felt that I could no longer resist the temptation to lose it.
Then, out the corner of my eye, I saw my two year old flying through the air yet again…still with no pants on.
And that was it… I lost it.
I stormed out of the kitchen with may arms flailing about
WHAT DID I TELL YOU??? SIT DOWN! RIGHT NOW! AND PUT YOUR PANTS ON!
And as Joey’s crying soundtrack continued to track #5. I screamed
OH. MY GOSH. JOEY STOP CRYING!!!!
Needing to walk out of the door, I managed to throw some stuff in my bag, diapers, wipes, goldfish breakfast, and the sugary juice inside of the sketchy cup.
I loaded the boys in the car only to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders…
I paused for a moment.
I had yelled at my toddler and screamed at my baby.
And If that wasn’t enough my child was hungry.
And then a voice said “You’re a terrible mom”
In that very moment I had a choice to make. Accept that as the truth or reject it as a lie.
I rejected it. Because I have believed it too many times.
So what do you do when you feel like a terrible mom?
1. Look at the Big Picture
Step back, get out of the moment, look at the big picture, and decide what’s most important. What will have the lasting impact? In my situation, my words and the manner that I spoke them had more impact than the non breakfast- breakfast ever would. Sometimes when we are living our day to day lives its easy to focus on the now. But if we look at things in a broader scope the details that we show attention to aren’t that important.
And the EVEN bigger picture is that God hand picked you to nurture your children even though He knew that you’d mess up. Terrible moments don’t make me a terrible mom. Don’t let single moments of falling short will only define your entire motherhood. Rather let who are you in Christ and are endearing to be define it.
When we carry around the weight of our faults we forfeit our right to live freely. The first thing I do when I mess up is ask God for forgiveness. If my perfect father can forgive me, then at least I know that I should stand a chance with everyone else, including myself. If my children actually did offend me with disobedience I need to offer my forgiveness towards them in my heart. And when I know that I’ve mistreated my children, I humbly apologize. An apology to you child will mean more to them than you think; the best part is that they forgive quickly. But sometimes the hardest person to forgive is myself, there have been times when I played and replayed the scenes of my mess ups in my head. I’ve been harder on myself than anyone else, including God. If He has forgiven me, then who I am I not to. When I forgive myself, I fully embrace the undeserved forgiveness of perfect and holy Savior. And when I walk in forgiveness I have ability to love and live freely.
- Be Ready to change
What is making you go off all of the time? Do you feel like your temper is shorter than what it should be? Are you quick to anger?
If you feel that there’s something in you that is causing you do terrible things, be ready to change it. Be ready to do whatever it takes to be better for you and your family. Whether it be counseling, asking God to heal you of something from your past, emersing yourself with self growth, or a good ol’ hard look in the mirror, there’s always something that you can do to become better than before. With the help of Christ we can always decide to change and become the mothers that we are destined to be.
- Tap into the Source
Most times when we feel terrible it’s because we are relying on our own strength. I’ve proven to myself that my strength is of an ant. Yes it may appear that I can carry a heavy load for my size, but when you have the perspective of God that load that I’m carrying is a crumb. My own strength is limited, so is my patience, so is my wisdom, and so is my love… But in Christ all of things are limitless.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
If you ever believed that you are a terrible mom chances are you are a wonderful mom because you care enough to want to be great for your children. So don’t buy into that lie! Hug your child, tell them you love them and depend on God like crazy to get it right.