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Let me tell you something: I thought we wouldn't make it

Beloved Mama

What To Do When You Feel Like a Terrible Mom

October 30, 2017November 21, 2017 Motherhood
Motherhood

My two-year-old PJ launched off the couch flying through the air when he should have been putting his pants on.

My nine-month-old Joey had been crying for the last hour. He was fed, changed, and had all of his basic needs taken care of — except for me holding him.

We were in a rush to leave, and I had no choice but to listen to the soundtrack of Joey’s cries while maintaining my sanity. As I ran from room to room searching for my missing shoe, it dawned on me that I hadn’t fed PJ. My best option was Goldfish and juice. Not some organic omega3 fish crackers… Just plain ol’ Goldfish crackers. And I didn’t even want to see how many grams of sugar were in that juice….

I found the first sippy cup I could get my hands on, splashed some water in the cup, only to realize that it smelled like mildew. I frantically started washing the cup as thoroughly and quickly as I could.

Meanwhile, the crying soundtrack was still playing… and getting louder. I was on edge, and if one more thing went wrong, I felt that I could no longer resist the temptation to lose it.

Then, out the corner of my eye, I saw my two-year-old flying through the air yet again…still with no pants on.

That was my last straw… I lost it.

I stormed out of the kitchen with my arms flailing about screaming,

WHAT DID I TELL YOU??? SIT DOWN! RIGHT NOW! AND PUT YOUR PANTS ON!
And as Joey’s crying soundtrack continued to track #7. I yelled,
OH. MY GOSH. JOEY STOP CRYING!!!!

Needing to walk out of the door, I managed to throw some stuff in my bag: diapers, wipes, goldfish, and the sugar loaded juice inside of the sketchy cup.

I loaded the boys in the car only to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

That’s when I paused for a moment to realize that I had yelled at my toddler and screamed at my baby.

I was dealing with the fact that I was anxious, angry, and had a hungry child.

Then a voice said,

You’re a terrible mom

In that very moment, I had a choice to make. Accept that as the truth or reject it as a lie.

I rejected it. I had believed that lie too many times before and it always harmed me.

 

What To Do When You Feel Like a Terrible Mom?

 

Look At The Big Picture

Step back, get out of the moment, look at the big picture, and decide what’s most important. What will have the lasting impact? In my situation, my words and how I spoke them had more impact than Goldfish breakfast ever would. Sometimes, when we are living our day to day lives it’s easy to focus on the now. If we look at things in a broader scope we can see that the details don’t always matter.

But the EVEN bigger picture is that God handpicked you to nurture your children even though He knew that you’d mess up. Terrible moments don’t make me a terrible mom. Don’t let single moments of falling short define your entire motherhood. Rather, let the grace and love you give and receive from God define it.

Forgive

When we carry the weight of our faults we forfeit our right to live freely.  The first thing I do when I mess up is to ask God for forgiveness.  If my children offended me with disobedience I need to offer my forgiveness towards them as well. And when I know that I’ve mistreated my children, I humbly apologize.  An apology to your child will mean more to them than you think; the best part is that they forgive quickly.

But sometimes the hardest person to forgive is myself. There have been times when I’ve played and replayed the scenes of my mess-ups in my mind. I’ve been harder on myself than anyone else, including God. If God has forgiven me, then who I am I not to. When I forgive myself, I fully embrace the undeserved kindness, mercy, and grace of my loving Father. When I walk in forgiveness towards myself and others I have the ability to love and live without heavy weights tied to my heart.

Be Ready To Change

What is making you feel terrible? Where is the guilt coming from?  Do you feel like your temper is shorter than what it should be?

If you feel that there’s something in you that is causing you do terrible things, be ready to change it. Be ready to do whatever it takes to be better for you and your family. Whether it be counseling, asking God to heal you of something from your past, immersing yourself with self-growth, getting organized, meal planning, or a good ol’ hard look in the mirror, there’s always something that you can do to become better than before. We have to do what we can to eliminate the “terrible mom” triggers. With Christ helping us, we can always decide to change and become the mothers that we are destined to be.

Tap Into The Source

Most times when we feel terrible it’s because we are relying on our own strength. I’ve proven to myself over and over that my strength is of an ant. Yes, it may appear that I can carry a heavy load for my size, but when you have the perspective of God, that load that I’m carrying is a crumb. My own strength is limited, so is my patience,  so is my wisdom, and so is my love… But in Christ all of these things are limitless. So tap into God’s strength and ability and ride on the wings of His love.

If you ever believed that you are a terrible mom chances are you are a wonderful mom because you care enough to want to be great for your children. So don’t buy into that “Terrible Mom” lie! Hug your child, tell them you love them, and depend on God like crazy to get it right.

 

From the end of the earth I will cry to You, 

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Psalm 61:2

 

Related

Kierra
Kierra | Beloved Mama

heybelovedmama

35 🎂 I was dreading my first birthday after the 35 🎂 I was dreading my first birthday after the move to Michigan. I imagined that it would be cold, and I imagined fighting lonely feelings and wanting to be back in Virginia.  At least I knew I’d have my boys and Paul. 

But that’s when the faithfulness of God showed itself the most. In this cold dreary weather, He provided warmth in new family, new friends, and new community -  The kind that feels like it always was. 

This weekend, God showered me with good laughs, a challenging word at church, thoughtful gifts of my favorite things, chocolate cake, good food, a babysitter that we trust, seafood with Old Bay to remind me of home. Paul did whatever he could to make the memories beautiful - he answered every request, and sang his heart out. When I woke up this morning, my son had placed flowers all over the house, and he made a confetti pancake breakfast. And of course my day was full of text messages and phone calls from those voices that I love and miss so dearly. 

My heart has been at rest on this birthday and I’m so glad that we dared to trust God. If we hadn’t, I’d never know of this kind of grace. 

It’s the people that make a place feel like home. God is faithful to replenish the things that we gave up for His sake. 

So even though it’s cold, there’s a burning flame in my heart. And now finally, I’m warming up to this being my new home. 

So now at 35, I will continuously live out the fact that this life isn’t mine, it belongs to Jesus, and it’s the least I can do for how He gave His life for me. 

I miss my family in Virginia so much. 
And I’m thankful for my new family in Michigan just as much. 

Great is Thy Faithfulness ♥️

With a heart full of love from Detroit, 
Kierra
Noah insisted on wearing his snow boots to Virgini Noah insisted on wearing his snow boots to Virginia but it was 75 degrees. 🥴On our way home, something smelled like salt and vinegar and I looked behind me and saw that the smell was these 10 little stinky toes. 🙊Good thing he is cute tho, and the boots definitely worked on keeping those little feet warm. 

We will be making these long road trips a lot more in the future, and it reminds me that in life while the journeys are never perfect, getting there is all that really matters.

♥️
First stop… Coney Island! 🌭One thing we learn First stop… Coney Island! 🌭One thing we learned about Detroit super fast is that there’s a Coney Island on every corner.📍But before we find our regular neighborhood Coneys, we had to take adventure to visit the original one Downtown. The food and service was fast and great- plus we had a great time experiencing the city. 

Learning a new city has been scary to me sometimes, especially since I’ve lived in one place my whole life. But I have no choice but to dice in. This is us living outside of our comfort zone!
#AD Come with me to deck the halls with @biglots ! #AD Come with me to deck the halls with @biglots ! Shopping was so fun and easy - and affordable - that I got a little carried away, but who doesn’t get a little carried away at Christmas? When I got home I was able to make just the right selections to create a warm and welcoming entryway with my Big Lots holiday finds! [link in bio]🎄

#BigLotsFinds
#AD The entryway to your house can set the tone fo #AD The entryway to your house can set the tone for your entire home, and this Christmas season, I wanted to make my entryway feel like a warm Christmas hug for all who enter. 

So you know, I had to stop at @biglots to see what treasures I could find, without breaking the bank. I found everything I was looking for, and a little extra too - the hardest part was not getting carried away. 

Now, I'm loving my space, and I can’t wait to welcome all of my friends and family over for the holidays. 🎄 [Link in bio]

#BigLotsFinds
♥️“These are God’s problems” ♥️ The ♥️“These are God’s problems” ♥️

The hardest part of our transition from Virginia to Michigan was the last six weeks. Paul traveled for two weeks on his own, and then when school started our two middle boys traveled with him to attend school.  Our oldest and youngest were in 
Virginia with me. 

Every weekend for one month Paul drove 10 hours both ways so that we could be together again and to help with the preparations for moving. I told him to stay but he insisted on traveling back because we needed each other. 

He was right. It was a lonely and uncertain time. We felt like nowhere was truly home, expect for when we were together. 

As I look back, I didn’t think that a transition like this should be easy, but honestly, I hoped that it would be. 

Things went wrong. Plans got delayed. Sometimes we were exhausted, frustrated, and weary. 

But through it all, God was our provider, our defender, and our grace. He was the one who turned every NO into YES and all of our delays into nows. I had to fully lean on Him as my Father, because for the first time in my adulthood I truly felt like a helpless child. 

This is what we had to live by. When you are obedient to God and you face obstacles, every single problem belongs to Him. Our problems were God’s problems, not our own. We would say “These are God’s problems” 

We kept praying, and He kept answering. Our daily bread was His love and faithfulness. 

When the journey is hard, depend on the One who sent you. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 ♥️
Hey Mama! We moved to Detroit 🛞♥️🎵 I al Hey Mama! We moved to Detroit 🛞♥️🎵

I always wondered what it would be like to take an adventure in life, to start over or to answer a call in a different place. I’d daydream about the what-ifs only to  snap out of it, and to be content with my reality. 

We spent our entire lives in Virginia and now more than ever, our entire lives are in the hands of God. 

Paul was asked to come to Detroit to help lead a public charter school. We knew this was part of our assignment, and after a series of events we packed the boxes and made our home in the Motor City. 

Sometimes when I tell the locals our story, they ask, “Why would you come here?” My answer can go no further than “Because God told us to” 
 
I don’t know the fullness of His plan. But that’s the best part. We gave God our “Yes” and the rest belongs to Him! 

Now, where are my Midwest mamas? Help a Southern sista out, it’s snowed already and they don’t have sweet tea! 

♥️Trust Him 

 #heybelovedmama #whatupdoe #detroitmoms
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